If I’d a known
I lost my dad on New Year’s Eve 2023. Fourteen months later, my mom died of cancer. Dad had Alzheimer’s, we watched as he slowly got worse. My mom was healthy and active, but in October 2024 she went to the doctor for what we thought was kidney stones, but it turned out to be cancer. She lived four months after the cancer was discovered. I’ve written some articles about losing them before.
Most of the poetry I write I don’t publish. This poem, I think it might be true for a lot of people, so I’m sharing it. I named it, “If I’d a known.” I think no matter what you do, there’s always regrets when you lose a loved one. I lost two in just fourteen months. I hope this helps someone else.
“If I’d a Known”
I Can’t call you on the phone
Can’t visit you at home
I wish I’d a known
God was about to call you home
From cooking a meal
To watching kiddos squeal
I wish I’d a known
God was about to call you home
Now As I work and toil
For these earthly spoils
I remember our trips
And wish for one more event
Four months is all it took
To get to the end of your fine book
Now a year has passed
And I as I look back
I wish I’d a known
That God was calling you home
There’s not many regrets
I only wish you had more time left
The kids are doing fine
Making their way in their own time
Your house ain’t a home
It’s just sticks and stones
There’s no joy over there
I sit in the living room and stare
I wish I’d a known
God was calling you home
I try not to be sad
When I think of you and dad
And all the good times we had
From fishing the Rogue,
to the big rodeo
I miss you guys,
But I know,
It’s all in Gods timing
When he calls you home
James Lockhart lives near the Kiamichi mountains in southeast Oklahoma. He writes cowboy stories and fools with cows and horses.
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